Everything was
One of my UP-ian friend tried to ask a suave UP-ian girl (Unfortunately from NOIDA, which in no way resembles rest of the cities in U.P…!) as to what’s keeping them away from the UP-Group…Pat comes her BLUNT retort–
“You see – UP BOYS don’t know the right etiquettes…They just don’t know how to behave with girls…!”
Well when I heard this reply – I WAS LEFT FLABBERGASTED ! That’s because one can EASILY change his GILRFIEND but not provenance (place of origin!)…Does being a UP-ite imply that I really will have to GO FOR THAT EXTRA MILE (called ETIQUETTES ! ) to earn for myself a decent GIRLFRIEND…Yeah, you could say that I was FORCED to suffer from insomnia for the few following days. Till this day, I’m recuperating from the hangover that was in direct consequence to this reply that the aforesaid girl gave, who frankly speaking was anything but SEXY…! (Imagine then “the reply” from sexy UP-ian girls ! )
During summer vacations when I was at Lucknow – I visited a plethora of bookshops to find books that talked about “RIGHT ETIQUETTES” – especially those QUINTESSENTIAL ones that were enough to earn for a RUSTIC UP-Bhaiyyan like me a decent Girlfriend…ofcourse (or say atleast) from UP – I AM VERY HUMBLE, YOU SEE…! Because girls from other states don’t believe in taking risks…They are WIMPS, you see…! Any ways – My hunt lasted for about 2-days. I was especially looking for a book that was preferably written by a UP-ite as that would have enamored me enough to atleast read that book – you see I am a very practical guy….Unfortunately I found NONE - perhaps that was PRACTICAL enough…! (pun intended )
I was watching a News channel which stated that OUTSOURCING was afflicting Yankees (Americans!) quite terribly. That made me realize that more than Americans it was affecting UP-Bhaiyyans …Proof – All of the UP-ian girls in our college had SUAVE and SWANKY boyfriends all of whom were from ANYWHERE but U.P…Now don’t you think that this is OUTSOURCING…! Imagine a COOL-HIP-HOP guy from Bangalore flirting with a girl from Lucknow when whole OF THE INDIA knows that UP is the most populous state AND that sex ratio in U.P is quite skewed – this logically means that there shall be atleast 1 boy in UP who’ll fail to get a SINGLE (AND NOT ENGAGED…! ) UP-ian girl to woo as a Girlfriend…Of course it works in the other way round for Boys from other states – since rest of the states have an all right sex ratio (ADDITIONALLY enhanced by this supply of SURPLUS and Boyfriend-less girls from UP…!), there shall be atleast 1 boy in each state who’ll be having the DREAM OPTION of going for 2 girlfriends, if not 2 jobs ! (THIS FOLLLOWS FROM “PIGEON-HOLE PRINCIPLE”…Mathematics, you see – any girl impressed…? If yes then please do send me your feedback…! )
Well, till this day I am looking for answers to this inscrutable conundrum baffling even the brightest and the crème-de-la-crème (Like NIT-ians – yeah, I am serious…!) minds from U.P –
“What does it take for a UP-ite to have a Girl Friend…?”
“DO YOU HAVE IT IN YOU OH MY UP-BHAIYYANS…?”…
“Will you let her speak and leave her alone for a moment, you BASTARD NON-UP BHAIYYAN…!”
“I am sssorry DDDDear…BBBUUUTTTT…NNNNOOO YYOOUU SSSSEEEE……” (DISH…DISH…!)
(And the futile argument continues…)
